Bondage has become increasingly popular, and it’s no surprise given its appeal as a sexy, relaxing, and uniquely satisfying activity. However, it’s important to be aware that bondage can pose risks if participants are not well-informed. Let’s delve into what bondage entails, why it resonates with people, and the essential aspects to consider. Additionally, we’ll provide tips to ensure safety and introduce some enjoyable beginner-friendly bondage positions to kickstart your exploration. Get ready; it’s time to discuss bondage!
What is bondage?
Bondage puts the “B” in BDSM! Literally, it’s what that “B” stands for. Generally, BDSM activities feature a “dom” and a “sub,” which means that one partner takes on a dominant role while the other(s) are submissive. These partners maintain these roles as they play out consensual, mutually sexually enjoyable fantasies.
When we refer specifically to bondage, we are talking about BDSM play in which one partner is restrained. Typically the dominant partner would be restraining the submissive one, but this is not always the case. For example, a dom who enjoys being controlled may order their submissive to restrain them. The restraints could be as basic as a silk scarf or as complex as intricately tied specialty ropes that suspended the restrained partner in the air. With countless methods available, the possibilities for tying bondage are truly diverse. When it comes to bondage, there is a massive range of options.
Why do people like bondage?
You could ask ten people why they enjoy bondage and get ten completely different answers! There are lots of ways the practice appeals to folks. Here are a few popular reasons enthusiasts cite for enjoying bondage. Something interesting to note is that many of these reasons are opposite sides of the same coin. For example, bondage is called enjoyable by some because it feels exciting, while to others, it feels relaxing.
- Surrender: For some, the opportunity to submit/surrender to a dominant partner is a huge part of the appeal.
- Domination: For others, being in charge and taking care of their submissive partner is where it’s at.
- Exhibitionism: When you are bound, you get all of your partner’s attention and focus; you are the star of the show.
- Intimacy: The trust and communication required to do it safely make bondage super intimate.
- Excitement: There can be something thrilling about having no idea what is coming next and no ability to control it like you do when you are bound.
- Relaxation: Some folk find the art of binding very relaxing, while others relax into being bound
- Letting Go: Similarly, many subs enjoy letting go and not having to worry about posing or working.
- Artistry: Especially when it comes to rope bondage, some doms take great pride in the artistic component of bondage.
As if that isn’t enough, a study has shown that people who engage in BDSM practices report may reap some real benefits in the forms of, among other things, relationship security, and psychological health. So, what we’re saying here, is that there are a whole lot of reasons bondage might be appealing.
What sex toys do I use for bondage play?
A whole world of bondage toys is available to you, from super basic to very, very complicated. That said, you can 100% give bondage a (safe and satisfying) try without going shopping first. Things like neckties, belts, scarves, and pillowcases can work great as restraints and blindfolds. If you find bondage is something you want to make bondage a permanent addition to your sexual repertoire, then you might want to look into some specialized gear. I recommend a bondage kit where you can get several pieces all together.
7 tips for beginners to bondage
We know that bondage can be many things to many people, but before it can be any of those things for you, let’s ensure it’s safe. Here are some tips to ensure your bondage exploration is safe, satisfying, and fun.
Do your research
It’s important to know that bondage can come with risks. Take time to research those risks beforehand. There are multiple schools of thought surrounding risk in BDSM. For example, some subscribe to the “risk-aware consensual kink” (RACK) opinion, where the word “safe” isn’t used because many BDSM activities carry inherent risks, and each practitioner needs to determine their own tolerance for those risks. Others follow the “safe, sane, and consensual” model (SSC), which says that safety is achieved by only engaging in activities that you (and your partners) have deemed “safe” beforehand. While the approaches vary, the upshot is that it is vitally important that you know there are risks and choose what you engage in and how you engage it accordingly.
Bondage safety
Bondage comes with some specific safety concerns. Learning what precautions to take to avoid possible complications like cutting off circulation or causing nerve damage is essential. Once again, do your research before you get down to business.
Consent
Being informed, enthusiastic, and ongoing is always a must. These things require open and clear communication. There should be no assumptions, passive aggression, or pestering until someone gives in. Talk to each other about what you want to try, and keep checking in to ensure you are still on the same page.
COMMUNICATE
I know, we just said that, but there’s more. You need to talk about what you absolutely DO NOT want. Boundaries and limits are different for everyone. Make sure you know yours and discuss them with your partners before playtime.
Have a Safe Word
In dominance and submission play, you sometimes want to be able to say “no” or “stop” as part of the scene but not actually stop anything. Or you may want a clear signal that lets your partner know, “We have to stop NOW.” Enter safe words. These are mutually agreed upon words or phrases that immediately stop play.
It might be something you both know you would never say during sexy times, like “onomatopoeia,” or it could be a popularly used and easily understood piece of language like the traffic light system:
- Red = “stop”
- Yellow = “slow down/proceed with caution”
- Green = “go”
Just make sure you both know what you are using.
Aftercare
Bondage can be vulnerable and intimate, and, frankly, intense. After a scene, some folks might feel anxiety, irritability, sadness… there might even be some crying (note: this can happen after any form of sex). So, when you’re done playing, take lots of time to connect, recover, and care for each other’s needs. That’s aftercare! Maybe it’s cuddling and having snacks; perhaps it’s discussing your feelings about what just went down. Whatever it is, take the time for it.
Explore These Beginner Bondage Positions
- Spoon: The sub/little spoon’s arms are bound in front of them. To take it to the next level, bind the sub’s arms to their thighs or cover their eyes with a blindfold.
- Bedhead: This simple position involves shackling a partner’s wrists to the headboard with rope, handcuffs, scarves, or ties.
- Hogtie: The simple and effective hogtie involves tying the wrists and ankles together at one point.
- Frogtie: If you are up for something a bit more complex, frogtie has the sub’s ankles tied to their thighs while their arms are tied behind their back.
- Cowpoke: One partner is bound in a spread-eagle position, often on a bed. The other partner can perform the cowpoke or reverse cowpoke sexual position on top of them.
- Standing: The sub stands with their arms bound– typically tied to a ceiling or wall– behind their upper body while their legs are spread– possibly using a spreader bar– and the ankles are shackled
Whether you find bondage thrilling and sexy, vulnerable and intimate, intense and emotional, or all of the above, you want to take all the steps you can to be sure that your exploration is safe and fun for all involved. Researching, communicating openly, and staying aware of risks can help set you (and your partner) up for bondage success.
If you are ready to explore bondage, check out Realcock 2 selection of adult sex toys, cuffs, ropes, and even bondage clothing for everything you need to make your bondage fantasies come to life.